On Sunday, the deadliest mass shooting in USA history took place when a man named Omar Mateen opened fire at a gay nightclub in Florida, killing approximately 50 innocent people and leaving another 53 with bullet wounds. Not just the LGBTQ community, but the entire world has been left shocked as more and more information about the gunman makes it way to the public through various media outlets. Love, support and compassion continues to pour in from all over the world for the victims, as is blame, anger and pointing fingers. While some reports have tagged Mateen a radical Islamic terrorist, others have alleged that he had been a regular visitor of the club and even used gay-dating apps in the past. Other reports quote his father, an alleged Taliban supporter, stating “God will punish gays,” an ideology that he perhaps imparted to his son. People have been left outraged and hurt, but could Mateen have been a closeted homosexual himself, acting out in frustration because of the homophobic ideology imbibed in him by his parents? We can’t be sure, nor do we have the kind of information to support such a claim, but, many of us are left with such lingering questions as to what could have driven a person to commit such a heinous crime.
People have taken to Facebook and other social networking sites to express their anger, love and support for the Florida victims, commenting on the entire situation in general, especially the need for gun control, but one post in particular stood out to us. Comedian Dhruv Deshpande shed light on an important issue that many of us overlook at times. He points out the responsibility we all have, as members of the very same society that we like to blame for a lot of things, to educate and impart knowledge, change misconceptions and remove prejudices, especially to members of the older generation. Deshpande talks about an incident with his mother regarding his sexuality, which brings to the forefront the misguided discrimination and perceptions that our parents, as members of the older generation, may hold. “My parents have taught me a lot. They’ve encouraged and inspired me endlessly, and surely are the coolest parents I know, but the most important thing they’ve taught me is to question authority, even theirs,” he writes.
When we talk about a generational gap it’s not just about age, but also ideology, thought, perceptions and beliefs. This is not to say that our parents are to blame here, they themselves have grown up being taught a certain way to think and behave relative to the time and mindsets of the people they grew up around. The world as a whole has progressed a lot since then--politically, economically and socially. Regressive beliefs, for lack of a better word, held by our parents are what they’ve grown up with and it’s hard for them to see any other way unless we tell them otherwise, this is what Deshpande calls importance to in his post.
“If you trace it, squash it. Let it be an argument, a fight, a stand off, but don’t give up on your parents by silently letting them be carriers of social evils.” The point that Deshpande is driving at is that nothing can change unless we change it, and change is at times most needed in our own homes. Instead of letting hatred and fear breed, stop it in its steps. Parents are our biggest role models and creator’s of our personalities as we grow up, and the environment in which you spend your formative years plays a key role in the person you become. Had Mateen’s father not repeatedly instilled in his son that homosexuality is wrong and all homosexuals are to be punished, may be the massacre that took place may never have happened, and Mateen could have accepted people as they are, and even accepted himself, be it as a homosexual or a heterosexual.
We’ve posted Dhruv Deshpande’s post below for you to read, with permission from the author.
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My mom once asked me, “Dhruv, you aren’t dating any girl... you aren’t gay right? (smiling) Right? (stops smiling) Right?”
This happened a couple of years ago. What followed was a one-hour argument, starting with “What if I was?”
After breaking through various barriers,
“But it’s not natural”
“Okay, but it can be cured”
“Okay, but I hope you aren’t”
“Okay, but what about grandchildren”
“Okay”
We finally got to: “Are you? It’s okay. You can tell me.”
(And also “Dhruv, you can’t find a girl because you’re fat”. I ignored that. One social issue at a time!)
Which brings me to my point: As a youngster, the biggest service you can do to society is telling YOUR parents they’re wrong. And man our parents are wrong. They’re wrong a lot.
My parents have taught me a lot. They’ve encouraged and inspired me endlessly, and surely are the coolest parents I know, but the most important thing they’ve taught me is to question authority, even theirs.
I have many close friends who regularly share liberal anti-racist, anti-sexist posts online, but have accepted that they won’t, for example, “get married outside their community”. You aren’t helping. You are the disease you so righteously claim to be trying to cure.
While preaching peace to our generation, we ignore our parents generation, where, even in the most open minded homes, phrases like, “look at her clothes” “these <insert group/religion/caste here> are all the same”, are uttered in not-so-hushed tones.
Today, the biggest propagators of the notion of rape culture, caste system, racism, islamophobia, homophobia etc are your parents generation, however latent it may be. Do not ignore it because you think you’re respecting your parents. You aren’t. You are disrespecting them by letting them become socially irrelevant.
If you trace it, squash it. Let it be an argument, a fight, a stand off, but don’t give up on your parents by silently letting them be carriers of social evils.
So, stop preaching online. Look behind your computer screens at the wrinkled little lovable bigot you’re living with. If you love them, tell them they’re wrong. They’re wrong a lot.
Let’s make the world a better place, one parent at a time.
Words: Dhruv Deshpande