Criminal Creatures: A Line-Up Of India’s Strangest Animal Arrests Yet

The process of prosecuting a criminal is pretty straight-forward right? A crime is committed, a suspect is identified and if found guilty, charged for their offense. But what do you do when your perp has four legs and a furry face. Well if it’s India, apparently you go ahead and charge them anyway. Turns out India’s lawbreaking habits transcend species and while we love inclusivity, this is not the type of legal equality we were hoping for.

Eight precocious (and very hungry) donkeys have been blowing up the headlines in the last week but it turns out the Indian authorities have a long and colourful past with local wildlife, from vandal goats to abusive parrots, they’ve seen it all. So just remember kids, stay in school, don’t do drugs and don’t trust the monkey hawking calculators.

From the sublime to the udderly ridiculous, here are 7 of India’s oddest animal arrests.

I. Ass-inine Crime

These little donkeys had a heavy day indeed, one that cost the government a whopping 5 lakhs in destruction of property. A herd of eight donkeys were arrested earlier this week and detained for four days in Uttar Pradesh after eating their way through some very pricey foliage that was going to be planted in and around the local jail. The owner couldn’t pay bail and the animals were held until a local BJP politician intervened and ponied up the cash for their release.

II. Oh My Goat!

In February 2016, a goat was arrested for raiding a senior bureaucrat’s garden in the city. It was booked along with its owner, Abdul Hassan, under charges that carry a sentence of two to seven years imprisonment and a fine. It was subsequently granted bail after being produced in court. The animal, accused of eating plants, flowers and vegetables in district magistrate Hemant Ratre’s garden was arrested because he was a ‘repeat offender.’ It just goes to show, it doesn’t pay to negoatiate with criminals.

III. It’s a Coo D’Etat

If you want to enter the world of International espionage, there are a few skils that you need to have under your belt.

1. Be able to blend into the crowd.

2. Be stealthy, agile and ready to make a quick getaway.

3. Be a pigeon.

Or at least that’s what the Indian police thought in 2010 when they held a pigeon in custody near the Amritsar border. The bird was turned in by a local resident after they found a ring around it’s foot and a Pakistani phone number and address stamped on its body in red ink. Eventually, they couldn’t find proof that it was a Pakistani spy, but it definitely ruffled a few feathers that day.

IV. Woaaah Nelly!

Though they’re usually big ol’ gentle giants, you have to have a pretty glitchy sense of self-preservation to approach any wild animal that’s ten times your size without a little trepidation. In January 2013, an elephant that was part of a religious festival procession in Kerala broke free and killed three women. He was subsequently banned from attending any festivities in the town for three months afterwards, we’re sure the major FOMO will have taught him his lesson.

V. An Unforgoatable Affair

Vandalism is always difficult for police to contain because catching offenders in the act is pretty rare but occasionally gangs get overconfident. This is exactly how in June 2013 three goats were detained by officers in Chennai for targeting a brand new police vehicle. Apparently they’d done the same to other vehicles around town but when the police caught them in the act the gang of 12 scattered, three unlucky stragglers had to answer for the crimes. Ringleader (read: owner) Mary Arogynathan was booked for negligence and the animals were handed over to the SPCA.

VI. Fowl Language

Everyone has at least one relative that they can’t stand, but of course family’s family and you just have to grit your teeth and bear it. Or you can follow Suresh Sakharkhar’s example and train your parrot to say the things you can’t. In 2015 Hariyal the parrot was arrested for repeatedly abusing Janabai - Suresh’s stepmother - every time she passed by. Suresh later admitted to training Hariyal for 2 years to hone this talent. The police, at a loss for a solution, turned Hariyal over to Maharashtra’s forestry department and he’s presumably still flying - and cursing - in freedom today.

VII. Show Me The Monkey

Though they may be entertaining from afar, monkeys can actually be pretty scary if they decide you have something they want. In 2004 rogue monkeys terrorised the city of Patiala in Punjab, stealing food, ripping people’s clothes, threatening kids with bricks and even stealing textbooks and calculators. All these miscreants were imprisoned in a primate penitentiary, set up in a corner of a local zoo. This was later shut down and replaced with the concept of a reform school to train these public pests, but until that takes effect, they’re serving life sentences without hope of parole.