'How To Have A Baby Boy' According To This Malayali Newspaper

Calling all sexists -- Mangalam, a daily newspaper in Kerala, has six sure-fire tips to make sure you have a boy. After giving it a read it’s pretty impossible for us to argue with such a well thought out scientific piece. It’s about time someone cracked the secret to only having male children and we can live peacefully knowing there’s a way to prevent women from being born. It solves over-population as well in the long run so...absolutely genius on the whole.

In reality, though, humour can only insulate you this long. The article is beyond infuriating. Screw the argument about paying dowry. If that’s your sole concern then you should seriously reconsider popping out a wee munchkin, boy or girl. Now if the argument is that males are the stronger sex, go talk to your mum. In most societies, women put up with all the bull and carry on kickin’ butt. Cramps, birthing children, raising children, and putting up with articles like Mangalam’s are just the tip of the iceberg. If you told me I had to squeeze 3.5 kilo baby out of my nether region I would shed tears.

Alrighty, now back to your education. Thanks to The Ladies Finger we have a translation of the article in question.

BOY-BEARING TIP #1

Limit your procreational activities to Days 1, 3, 5 and 7 of the week. The “strength” of the male sperm is “scientifically” stronger and pushier on these days.

BOY-BEARING TIP #2

Never skip breakfast, if you are a woman interested in boy-bearing.

BOY-BEARING TIP #3

Most importantly, wives of the “patriarchal realm” desiring boys should eat a lot.

BOY-BEARING TIP #4

Couples desiring a male child should religiously include mutton, dry grapes and salty food in their diet.

BOY-BEARING TIP #5

Wannabe boy-bearer women should sleep with their faces turned to the left side, also facing west, simultaneously.

BOY-BEARING TIP #6

Mangalam dictates that men should avoid food items including acidic content, as it reduces the power and the brawn of the semen.

Feel educated? I sure do! I finally know the secret to increase the brawn to my sperm. Wooohooo!