What do you picture when someone says ‘mother’? A lady in an elegant saree? A working woman in a suit with perfectly blow dried hair, and red lipstick? In South Asia, motherhood is a role steeped in tradition. We depict mothers as selfless caregivers, bound by familial duties. The image of the Indian mother is wrapped in layers of devotion, sacrifice, and unyielding femininity. Steph Wilson’s award-winning photograph ‘Sonam’, part of her Ideal Mother project, upends this narrative. It dares to ask: What if a mother could simply be herself — an individual with complexity, contradictions, and agency?

Sonam, a South Asian mother in London, challenges the deeply ingrained archetypes of motherhood with a single, striking image. In the portrait, she sits confidently with her legs spread wide, her baby clinging to her chest. Her gaze is direct and unsmiling, a far cry from the soft, nurturing expressions we associate. She wears a mustache — a nod to her profession as a wig-maker and her embrace of her ‘masculine’ features.

The mustache, central to the portrait, carries profound symbolism within our context. It defies the rigid gender norms that often dictate how women — and especially mothers — should look and behave. A woman’s femininity is tied to her appearance. Sonam’s choice to wear the mustache is a radical act of self-expression, reclaiming traits that others once used to diminish her.

In India, motherhood is frequently elevated to near-sacred status, celebrated in festivals, mythology, and cinema. Yet, this idealization erases the individuality of mothers, reducing them to symbols of unconditional love. Sonam’s portrait offers a necessary counterpoint. Here is a mother who refuses to be flattened into an ideal. Instead, she takes up space — literally and metaphorically — asserting her individuality even as she holds her child.

The inclusion of the bindi adds another layer. While the bindi is often seen as a marker of traditional femininity, its presence in this portrait defies simplistic readings. Sonam wears it not to conform but to celebrate her heritage, blending it seamlessly with her other, less conventional choices. This juxtaposition reminds us that identity is not a binary — it is a spectrum, where tradition and modernity can coexist.

For us, Sonam offers a rare and powerful representation of motherhood that feels both deeply personal and universally relevant. It challenges the pervasive cultural expectations placed on mothers to conform to specific roles and appearances. It speaks to the diasporic experience of negotiating multiple identities — desi, modern, individual, and maternal — all at once.

The relationship between Sonam and her child is tender but unsentimental. The baby clings to her chest in a gesture of trust and dependence, yet Sonam remains centered as her own person. This disrupts the unidimensional portrayals of mothers as self-effacing figures whose identities are subsumed by their children. Instead, the portrait asserts that a mother’s individuality is not only valid but essential. Sonam reclaims motherhood from the clutches of idealization and places it firmly in the realm of lived experience — messy, imperfect, and deeply human. 

Follow Steph Wilson here.

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