In 2026, the dating app — once heralded as the great democratiser of desire — has become the barren wasteland where all our romantic hopes and dreams go to die. The apps have definitely streamlined the process of meeting strangers, as my colleagues Disha and Avani found out during their deep dive into modern dating culture, but they have also made human interactions extremely transactional, superficial, and fleeting. The thrill, exhilaration, and instant gratification of matching with someone new can be addictive. Like several users told Disha and Avani, these apps have turned dating into a temporary, convenience-based gamble where people treat matches like a checklist and move on at the first sign of friction. The stakes of talking or not talking to a stranger have never been lower — and that is why ghosting has become so prevalent. After all, why should you spend too much time on one person when someone new is always just a swipe away?

Sliding into DMs — or the delicate act of sending someone you follow a direct message on a social app like Instagram — is a different ballgame altogether. It requires finesse, timing, sense of humour, and the ability to accept the sting of rejection (or worse: indifference!) and move on with your life. It’s a strange mix of parasocial connection meets real-life meet-cute because often the person whose inbox one slides into is not necessarily a stranger as in a dating app; it’s someone you know, or at the very least, know of.

As someone who came of age in the early 2010s — at the peak of Twitter, Tumblr, Kik, Hike, and Whsiper — when saying hello to strangers wasn’t as complicated as it feels now, I prefer sliding into DMs to swiping on dating apps. In fact, one of my closest friends is a Pakistani-Canadian writer based in Lahore who slid into my DMs when we were both selected for the same international short story prize in 2022 and we connected over the fact that we were the only South Asian writers selected that year.

As fatigue around online dating grows, the cost of living crisis deepens, and real-world third spaces become rare and inaccessible, the DM slide has once again emerged as the go-to way for people to find community and connect with eath other — the digital equivalent of throwing a handwritten note across a classroom or chatting up someone at a bookstore (remember when you could do that?)

While there are no hard and fast rules and the social (media) etiquette of sliding into DMs remains largely undefined, here’s how to do it responsibly and respectfully without coming across as a creep:

1. Test the waters: While sliding into someone’s DMs is the most direct way to signal interest on social media, there are subtler ways to introduce yourself first. A few strategic likes, comments, or reactions to their stories can transform you from a complete stranger into a familiar face. This way, when you finally do hit “send” on that first DM, it feels less like a random intrusion and more like the beginning of an actual conversation.

2. Don’t be a creep: Do not invade a stranger’s online personal space with demands or expectations. Start with a friendly message, a compliment, or a question about something interesting you noticed about them or something you have in common. Wait for them to respond. If your message is 'seenzoned' or unanswered, do not double down or follow up. Move on.

3. Keep the conversation casual: While it’s important to make sure your values and politics align, keep the early conversations casual and save serious or controversial subjects for later — ideally when you know each other better. Or do your homework (read: see who they follow and what they like, share, or repost like a “normal” person).

4. Respect boundaries: While everyone enjoys the occasional witty banter and flirting, not everyone is comfortable with everything. Always check if they are interested before flirting with someone, or better yet ask for explicit consent before saying anything of that nature. Respect personal boundaries and accept rejection. Do not expect reciprocity no matter how “nice” and “deserving” you think you are.

5. Curb your enthusiasm: It is tempting to imagine every successful DM slide as the beginning of a New York Times 'Modern Love' essay. Sometimes it is. More often, it is a pleasant conversation that lasts three days. And that is okay. Not every DM will lead to a lover or a friend. But there is still something hopeful about reaching out and saying hello.

We are social animals, after all. Happy sliding!

If you enjoyed reading this, here’s more from Homegrown:

‘Desi Me Dating’ Captures The Chaos & Confusion Of Modern South Asian Romance

Ghosting, Green Flags, & Infinite Choice: We Hopped Onto The Apps To Learn About Love In 2026

Growing Up On The Internet: Unpacking Gen Z’s Reluctance To ‘Touch Grass’