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Author of Marriage, A History (2005), Stephanie Coontz tells us that for the longest time, marriage was the primary way to increase one’s family’s labour force, and make peace treaties and business alliances. She believes that the origins of marriage lie not in finding individual partners, but in finding in-laws.
Indian marriages are not at all removed from this concept of marriage. Deeply rooted in patriarchy and other forms of social construction, arranged marriages, that have long been the norm in India, unfortunately, do not even allow one to see the person they are expected to spend the rest of their lives with.
Moreover, it comes more heavily down on the woman as her identity inevitably get merged with their husband’s, and so, one wonders, what happens to her and her dreams, her choices, her expectations?
Disha Noyonika, a director and a screenwriter captured this very spirit in her grandmother’s marriage. In a video made for her grandparents’ 50th wedding anniversary, Disha’s grandmother revealed her otherwise suppressed talent of writing poetry. The poem narrated by her describes the beginning of a marriage she never fully agreed to and the journey that she had begun on her wedding day.
As she recites her poem, she laughs off the parts that emphasise her lack of choice and freedom, as if it were something she had made peace with years ago. However, little may she have realised that those were still capable of stimulating feelings of sympathy and perhaps, some empathy, in the listeners.
Talking about her grandmother’s hidden talent, Disha says, “She has been secretly writing poetry for over five decades and had been nervous to show it to anyone until I probed. My grandfather was a famous filmmaker in the ‘70s and ‘80s and somewhere, my grandmother’s identity was limited to that of being just his wife.” Rumination might make one realise that it’s the story of thousands of marriages across the world.
Disha’s grandmother finally took centre-stage as she recited ‘Badi Ajeeb Thi Meri Shaadi’. It may be a few years later than what she would have liked, but it was enough.
At least, enough to move the audience as well as bring her husband to tears.
You can find Disha Noyonika here.
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