Dirty Drinks, Dirtier Secrets: A Tuesday Night Gone Rogue At Nutcase Etc.

There are only two kinds of people in the world: the kind who go home and hit the bed early on a weeknight, and the kind who head to a bar known for its whimsical cocktails. Throw in a stand-up comedian notorious for his irreverence into this mix, and things get very dirty very fast. According to our friends in low spaces, the second kind of people gathered at Nutcase Etc. for what armchair experts are now calling “a preventable incident” on April Fool’s Day.

According to our well-placed sources, the incident began at 9 PM last Tuesday, when guests arrived at the South Kolkata cocktail bar under the mistaken belief that they could drink quietly in dimly lit corner tables or sit at the bar counter and scroll through their phones, occasionally nodding at their dates or drinking buddies to simulate deep conversations. That illusion was aggressively crushed like ice within minutes.

Eyewitnesses report that Chirag Jain — alias Papa CJ — immediately began identifying couples with the precision of a seasoned wildlife documentarian tracking endangered species (which happily married couples arguably are) and dissected their entire relationship, one dirty secret at a time (all of which revolved around some variation on a threesome theme, often involving the hotter friend of one partner or another). “I wish… I were a divorce lawyer,” said one attendee, still clutching an unfinished dirty martini. “I could have made so much money from the fallout of this one single night,” he told this writer. Sadly, he had studied medicine. “Now I have to rethink my life choices,” the attendee said.

Singles were not spared either. Bar staff confirmed that no one in the room remained unroasted, including individuals who had strategically positioned themselves behind menus, more confident friends, or cocktail glasses. “We tried to warn them,” said one bartender, shaking his head while mixing what appeared to be a morally ambiguous shot of something questionable. “But they kept ordering shots like that would protect them.” (We can confirm that it did not.)

As the evening progressed, attendees began exhibiting signs of what psychologists are calling CDMS, or collective dirty mind syndrome. Laughter grew louder, postures became less defensive, and several couples were observed “leaning into the humiliation”, laughing defensively as if that wasn’t obviously one of their kinks.

Deepali Gupta, present at the scene of the crime against sanity, was seen contributing to the unfolding chaos in what analysts describe as an unending stream of scandalous cocktails — such as ‘Slimy Bastard’ and ‘Shots Now, Backshots Later’ — further destabilising any remaining sense of control in the room. Witnesses confirm that dignity was last seen near the bar counter around 9:17 PM, when Papa CJ promised free shots to three straight women if they made out publicly. (They did!)

“Strangers were talking to each other,” confirmed one witness. “Not networking, or exchanging Instagram handles, or numbers. They were just… talking. It was deeply unsettling.”

City authorities have yet to comment, though insiders suggest there are no immediate plans to regulate similar events, largely because “no one can quite explain what happened.”

Attendees report feeling “seen”, “attacked”, and “slightly turned on”. At least three guests have already made reservations to return next week, citing a renewed interest in “being less insufferable, or at least more self-aware about it.”

Experts caution that while such experiences may appear chaotic, they serve an important social function. “Sometimes,” said one behavioural analyst, “you need to be publicly roasted, mildly intoxicated, and emotionally destabilised on a Tuesday night to remember that being in your 30s isn’t the end of your life.”

Follow Papa CJ (@papacj), Deepali Gupta (@the_epicurious) & Nutcase Etc. (@nutcase.etc) on Instagram.

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