FILM: A Coming Out Journey Of A Mother & Her Gay Son

National Award winner Sridhar Rangayan is an openly-gay filmmaker who has been at the forefront of India’s battle for equal rights for the last 20 years. He has tirelessly worked, campaigned, and spoken for gay rights, and his films have become mainstays of queer Indian cinema. But in his latest venture – Evening Shadows – he aims to step away from this tag of ‘gay film’ to a story that talks to a larger audience, as he tells us, about love, acceptance and a generational conflict.

“I felt that we needed to tell our stories to the world,” he told Homegrown when we previously caught up with him to discuss his film Breaking Free. “The Indian LGBTQI community needed a cinematic voice. So, Saagar Gupta and I founded our production company Solaris Pictures, through which we have produced and co-produced several LGBTQI films like Gulabi Aaina, Yours Emotionally, 68 Pages, Purple Skies and Breaking Free. All of them have helped raise dialogue around social issues like HIV/AIDS and LGBTQI issues, both in India and internationally.”

Following these seminal films, Evening Shadows takes a different perspective, on of a parent, a mother. In short, the film explores the relationship between a mother, Vasudha, and son, Kartik, in a small town as Kartik comes out of the closet as a homosexual. What we get to witness is the unfolding of a mother’s psyche, in regards to her son, his sexuality, but more importantly, her self exploration as a woman in a traditional, patriarchal society. But all of this is yet to come as Rangayan is currently trying to raise money to bring this film to life. We spoke to Mr. Rangayan about his latest project to get some insight into the terrain the film explores, and to understand the need and importance of such a film to be made and viewed by the Indian audience.

When you think about a mother-gay son relationship being explored through the medium of performance your mind may jump to Late Chetan Datar’s play ‘Ek Madhav Baug’ that follows that story of a mother reading the diary of her gay son. While the similarity may seem apparent–Mona Ambegaonkar plays the role of the mother in Evening Shadows and was a part of the play as well at one time–the differences are drastic and any overlap Mr. Rangayan stresses are purely coincidental. Evening Shadows was written in 2007, but has remained just a script for far too long. “I wanted to do it with Mona,” Mr. Rangayan tells us. “She has been my muse since 1995 and my first choice when it comes to any project that I do.”

“We didn’t find the resources back then to make the film, but we decided this year that it’s enough, the right time to do this is now and we will crowdsource it because we can’t delay it anymore. People need such a film at the earliest,” he added and we couldn’t agree more. Infact, a lot of people are working pro bono and gratis for this film to come to light.

“The film portrays the universal angst between generations. We have many films that talk about the angst of coming out, the LGBTQI youth and their comfort with their own sexuality. I want to make a film about the parents, and it’s usually our mothers we come out to first,” explains Mr. Rangayan. “When we come out to our parents, what happens is that we tend to push them in a closet, while we step out of our own–closet is essentially hiding the truth. When a young LGBTQI person comes out to their near and dear ones, they feel liberated and free, but someone like a mother doesn’t have anybody to share this with. So this film is about family and friction between tradition and the contemporary, and how to talk about a parents feelings–how each generation has an aspiration, an idea about who they are and how we contradict with each other. ‘Evening Shadows’ is a universal film in that sense. The cast and crew, during the making of the film, said that it could be any of their story, and we could also be facing this. This film has a larger interest for a larger audience and it might open a space for dialogue.”

How is ‘Evening Shadows’ different from your previous films?

“We have not dealt with such a story before. I have made films on trans identity, HIV, desire, but this has a more broader appeal. The approach is gentle, there is no restriction on the angle we take or the freedom with creativity we can have. We want women, housewives from small towns also, to see and grasp the message of the film. This is a not a sad or preachy movie, it is a beautiful story about people with a universal message and this time we want to reach out to more people and to a larger audience base.”

The film’s story is definitely one that many people will be able to relate to. What has been the biggest challenge so far, other than finances and crowdfunding?

“Frankly, the biggest challenge for this film, other than finance, in India is subject wise — niche. Some producers and distributors think it’s a niche film and are apprehensive to pick it up. We have been fortunate enough to find a good cast, people are willing to take up challenging roles. It is easier to make it now after close to 10 years of it being written, we are finding more support, financially and societally, and believe that we need a film now. A lot of people have reached out to us with their support online and on social media, we didn’t have it back then, people are looking forward now.

We are also trying to kickstart a parent support group, which is definitely much-needed. It’s not just about acceptance. The group will bring discussion amongst themselves; to strategize, deal with it, and we are bringing a lot of people together, a long term idea for support that we have attached to the film. The time is now for that, it’s hard work to have parents who are in the closet, we need to bring parents out, bring out allies from the closet, that’ll be a challenge, not just for the film. Ten per cent of the crowdfunding will be utilised to support this group,

We are not affiliated with any organisation but they are all welcome. We will kick start this group and leave it to the parents to drive it forward, bring in various types of resources, more people. Conversation has to move away from Section 377 because this conversation has stagnated. We need to broadbase the conversation, what does the judge say? He says there is not even social will to change this law, how do we generate that? When more people come forward and say it affects my neighbours, children, we are there for our children. The government and legal system will then look at it. Some parents have been a part of this movement, but we need more voices.

We need a huge unified voice, we haven’t found that. We have a very small coterie of people. The cry has to be broad based, it needs to reach out to huge numbers of people, and not documentaries but a dramatic heartwarming story will do something like this. Through the eyes of a mother, the questions she has, is what people have in general. When Kartik explains his identity to Vasudha, he is explaining it to the world, till then it’s an alien concept with misconceptions. The film will speak directly to people who don’t understand anything about being LGBTQI.”

What is the biggest challenge a child faces when coming out to a parent, and vice versa, for the parent.

“For LGBTQI youth to come out, first have to come out to themselves, look in the mirror and accept it. I realised this when I was 26, to look in the mirror and say this is my identity. Once you have come out to the mirror, then it’s to the immediate circle, people feel closely to their mom or dad and want to share, but first youngsters have to be comfortable with themselves, that’s a challenge.

When they speak to their parents two things tend to happen – it’s the parents questions; ‘am i to blame for this?’ Second is very interesting actually; ‘why didn’t you tell me this before?’ ‘Didn’t you trust or love me enough? I would have accepted it ten years ago also.’ You explain it in the language they understand, hand-hold your parent in an attempt to understand you.

The message in this film is the hand-holding process for both child and parent, as they walk the journey together with true love. It cannot be from confrontation, radically political, a lot of people disagree with this, but I say it’s a very personal thing. It becomes a political event de facto, I don’t see the politics of the sexuality, it’s very personal. When I talk to my mother it’s not political, it is a very personal act.

It’s a journey of love what ‘Evening Shadows’ talks about. A beautiful romantic story of Kartik and Aman, whom he falls in love with. But, it’s also not just a coming out story in that sense, it’s also a woman coming into her own in a patriarchal society where two men are in love.”

Once made, what do you expect the audience’s reception to be like?

“We are expecting a lot more with this film, we need to remove the niche barrier ‘gay film’ kind of tag. We will make a film that talks to a large audience about love and acceptance, and conflict of generation. All the work we have been doing for months, it’ll be much more accepted by a large audience. We have a lot of expectations, but we want it and hope for it, and make sure we reach it.

I want to make a beautiful, wonderful film and reach out to all kinds of people in various predicaments. Don’t see it purely as a ‘gay film,’ if we go in without a preconceived notion it’ll be a friday hit film that will be loved for years to come.”

In your opinion, how important is the use of art/film for LGBTQI activism, and how it has evolved over the years?

“I feel people do not have enough access to such films in the star-oriented system of bollywood in India. Good films do exist and the internet has provided access in the form of short films, web series and more. Theatrical releases for such films and their commercial viability are still stuck in a quagmire. Earlier we had Akashvani theatre to showcase films which is not the case now. I am interested in finding such venues, creating an alternate revenue model for these films and find a distribution channel. I am also interested in seeing these films make money. I dont want anybody to just screen their work at some cultural centre for free, get an applause and that’s it. I want producers and directors of such films to make money and recover their cost and be encouraged to make more. They are providing what any other film provides so why can’t we buy tickets and go see them? So many people want to watch and so many people will benefit by having access to these films. With the censor board changeover with help from the Shyam Benegal Tribunal, the films that received the A certificate which limited their transmission will not be an obstacle anymore, this move comes at a right time for us.”

Mr. Rangayan’s Wishberry campaign for Evening Shadows ends on Sunday, November 27, and they have so far garnered 63 backers and a lot more interest. “These are people who are not from our circle, they’re international citizens from various countries supporting the film, a large target base is reaching out to us and this puts a certain kind of pressure on us to make a good film,” comments Mr. Rangayan.

What’s amazing is the number of parents of LGBTQI youth that have come out in support to fund this film on “parental acceptance and awareness.” One such parent is Aruna Desai who speaking to Huffpost India said, “As a mother of a gay child, I relate quite a bit to the story of Evening Shadows. “I think the movie will really help a lot of parents come to terms with their child’s sexuality, understand them better and understand what they go through.”

Evening Shadows really does hold an important message, an important perspective that addresses the flip side of the LGBTQI struggle, that of the parents who after years of being conditioned to think of anything deviating from heteronormative societys norms as ‘deviant’ and ‘unnatural’ try and change their own perception and understanding, as more and more people (finally) come out of the closet, loud and proud, in Indian society. For a lot these parents the concept of homosexuality didn’t even really exist for most of their lives. In a country where sex and sexuality is barely addressed, that too behind closed doors, it isn’t farfetched when a person questions you as to what alternate sexualities are. Despite the existence of Section 377, our society has come quite a long way in terms of acceptance and support. We see more and more LGBTQI community members, parents and allies attending Pride marches around the nation in harmony and solidarity, and it is at a moment such as this in our socio-cultural timeline that a movie like Evening Shadows is much-needed to take the next step forward.

Interviewed by Preksha Malu