HG V-Day Mood Swings: The Pleasure Edition

Shreya Takodara for Homegrown
Shreya Takodara for Homegrown

Dear Homegrown Reader,

Valentine’s Day, also known as, le most romantic day of the year, is also the most underrated sexy day of the year. In fact, Dr Nerd Love, who traces the history of this ‘commercial holiday’ to “‘wolves’ (young men) running naked around the city covered in goat’s blood and slapping at women with shaggy bits of leather and followed by loads of orgiastic sex, goes as far as calling it the ‘Horny Werewolf Day’.

As gory as that description might sound, Dr Nerd Love isn’t exaaaactly exaggerating when he says that V-Day exists to let people know that one of the sure-shot ways of getting boned is gifting each other fancy, shiny things. Which makes one wonder, do we really like to celebrate love or are we just horny people who like to think that they have other things going on in their lives while they get their way to sex?

If this behemoth holiday that comes with the behemoth pressure to find a mate has you releasing your pheromones in hopes (or in your room), you have hit the right place.

There’s sex, there’s good sex, and then there’s the realllyyyy great sex with the most mind-blowing, sky-shattering, earth-quivering, star-shooting climax. If you’re someone with a female sexual-reproductive system and a heterosexual leaning, you know that the last one is more likely act of self-service.

You might resonate with this one: “My orgasm was like that time you could spin 6 glass plates on your finger when you were all alone in your room, but failed the minute there was someone watching, almost as though it preferred the solitude we shared.”

If you have never experienced this, you’re probably amongst the fortunate. You might find the remaining half of the story interesting nevertheless.

The story continues: “When I told my best friend about this phenomenon, she went on to secretly order a vibrator for me, and nothing has been the same since.”

That right there is where we hit the jackpot!

‘Tripping the Switch’?

‘Saucing The Taco?’

‘Impeaching Bush?’

Alright, come on, ‘Buttering the Biscuit?’

No takers yet?

These are, and I do say it whilst picking my lips a little, how the gloriously secretive phenomenon of female masturbation is referred to.

For your visual pleasure and some ‘wha... at?’, Check Out how We Illustrated Hilarious Terminologies For Female Masturbation. Because Why Not?

“But not all of us are just horny! We also love our partners and like to show it.”

As much as I am tilted towards the single lot who just get it about the sex, I also think that in many ways, sex is not just sex. Sex, often substituted with the word ‘intimacy’ is exactly about that— physical, emotional and mental intimacy. The aspect of touch involved in consensual sexual activity is a lot about finding and providing comfort and fulfilling the need that is there for humans to feel loved.

The lockdown was perhaps one of the biggest lessons in love life could have ever taught us. So utterly grateful we were to Alendander Graham Bell, and of course, to the Internet gods who made sure that even when we were not physically able to get intimate with each other, we remained intimate to each other. Yes, we’re talking about phone sex!

I am not sure if you are with your beloved at the moment, but regardless, it might be heartwarming to know how we, as a society, got past the longest unified dry spell of the century.

How much ever someone may deny or say or make you believe that the erotic is merely another name for the pornographic, sex, when viewed or crafted, is art. On V-Day, whichever way you swing, here are some of the steamiest erotic movies for you to curl up and Netflix and chill with your Funny Valentine or just yourself!

Ever heard of Viagra Paan?

Kohinoor Paan, named after the largest diamond in the world, promises all things big – quite literally. Sold at the Tara Pan Centre in Aurangabad it is known as the ‘Indian Viagra’, the effect of which lasts for two days straight.

Mumbai-based sexologist Dr Mahinder Watsa, whom we, unfortunately, lost recently, was probably one of the cheekiest, smartest, and the most famous sex doctor in India. Known for his rather acidic response to equally bizarre questions, Dr Watsa offered generations of Mumbaikars a hearty laugh and some realistic sex education through his column.

What makes sexy sexier? Some sexy shopping for sexy stuff!

For a people who created the Kamasutra, we are surprisingly averse towards visuals, discourses, and products that normalize sex and pleasure. Indian brand Guptt aims to respond to these cultural norms that have had Indians shying away from expressing their sexual needs for far too long.

Guptt is an all-inclusive liberation brand, challenging social stigma around sexuality and bringing it home to the sacral chakra. It tries to fill the gap in the Indian society by offering a range of self-stimulation products.

Bonus: If you want to hear Indians Talk About Sex Toys, check here.

Do you also believe that booze hits differently upon being coupled with carnal longings?

If so, stay home and enjoy, and order in from this Complete List Of Apps & Websites For Home Delivery Of Alcohol In India

As a parting gift,

A Very Happy (and Pleasurable) Valentine’s Day/Horny Werewolf Day to you!

Oh, wait, hold on! What fun without some BG score, right? Check out this special playlist we have curated for you to feel all the feels reallllyyy deeply today. Happy Happy V-Day!

Watch below or go over to YouTube here.

Still want more? Check out other Homegrown musical curations here.

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