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“Sometimes the pains and illnesses we reject are the ones that could bring us the greatest spiritual riches. That’s why, whatever cards you’re dealt, you should be grateful for a life that gives you the opportunity to evolve. Fate always finds a way to make us learn the things we resist the most, the things we least want to accept.”
The Return of the Young Prince, A. G. Roemmers
It’s not very often that you meet someone who genuinely embodies the idea of fortitude – Tulsi is one of those people. I’ve never met a woman more willing to unbutton her shirt (“I’d do it for anyone”) or spring more to life whilst shaving their own head.
Perched in front of a mirror on the living room floor, Tulsi drew the razor along the crown of her head and shed off her curly black locks in defiance, even as the beginnings of a smile danced on her lips. There was something hypnotic about watching strands of hair find their way to the ground; a calm you might think could only precede or succeed a storm.
But in Tulsi’s case, and others built quite like her, the calm seems to persist during, too. Surviving breast cancer can do that to you. As I stumble further into my own imagined analysis of the situation, wondering if this ritual shave was even more victorious the first time Tulsi converted her long locks into a mohawk – she did it the night before a chemotherapy session–her voice cuts through any romanticism. “It’s going to fall anyway,” she smiles. “You might as well do it on your own terms.”
35 now, Tulsi’s nimble frame and uplifting demeanour belies the challenges of her journey. She was diagnosed with a malignant tumor last December, and after going through surgery and Chemotherapy ever since, she is now still in recovery. In many ways, she is exactly the kind of person who challenges the stereotype of breast cancer being an ‘old woman’s disease.’
Though it’s true that younger women are diagnosed at a much lower rate (precisely because doctors and patients alike don’t believe it’s going to happen) the sheer lack of expectancy around it often leads to more aggressive outcomes because it goes unnoticed for so much longer.
Tulsi, too, was initially diagnosed with a benign tumor; however, as it began to grow she knew better than to ignore it. The morning of her test results, she drove all the way from Goregaon to Lower Parel where her office is, completely fine.
The moment she received her diagnosis, “Mucinous Carcinoma” (Cancer) she almost instinctively got ready to drive home. Her co-workers panicked and offered to take her, but she refused. “I drove here in the morning” she told them, “the only difference between then and now is that I know. Nothing else has changed.”
Tulsi’s mouth is full of little positive recitations that were inside her far before the cancer ever was. She loves The Beatles. So much so that she took them into her 6-hour operation and came out, half sedated, singing Love Me Do.
Just last night she sat in her living room singing a Beatles song with lyrics particularly redolent of her experience with cancer. “I just sat there crying, singing it over and over again. Nothing’s gonna change my world, nothing’s gonna change my world,” she says. “My maid must have thought I was crazy”.
Cancer may break down your body, but the majority of damage it does is to your mind. However, Tulsi’s entire philosophy is approaching it with a sense of resolution. “Cancer’s not going to change my world,” she insists.
There’s one story in particular that Tulsi’s been holding on to about a monkey and a woman who both have cancer. The woman, knowing she has cancer, deteriorates quickly and the monkey, blissfully ignorant manages to outlive her.
Tulsi, in every quote and uplifting anecdote she repeats to herself and the people around her, refuses to be that woman. While blissful ignorance isn’t her style, she adamantly rejects the constrictions of cancer. She bares her breasts and the heart beneath them for the world to see, embracing the kind of openness necessary to facilitate conversations like this one. “When I look at myself, I feel complete” she says. “And that is something all Indian women should know”.
People aren’t willing to talk about breasts, let alone breast cancer, but Tulsi says she will unbutton her shirt for anyone. “See what you want to see,” she laughs. Her openness to exposing her breasts goes far beyond simply freeing the nipple too. Rather, it fulfils her aim to save it.
Most people are aware of a skin-sparing mastectomy, where all of the breast skin apart from the nipple and areola are preserved, but few know of the alternative nipple-sparing mastectomy. Though the difference may seem insignificant to some, if you are a woman with breasts you’d know the importance of having that choice.
The nipple is an important part of femininity, and these conversations often linger in small spaces, hidden from large stages where female sexuality isn’t given the importance it deserves. Tulsi did in fact show me her breasts and minus a few scars, they look perfectly unharmed. Her doctor took a muscle from her back to refill the space where the tumor was taken out from and left her with two perfectly symmetrical breasts.
People don’t often know that such procedures are possible, which is exactly why Tulsi shows her breasts to whoever expresses even an inkling of curiosity. “All stratas of society need to know about breast cancer”, she says.
“Even nurses should be able to give information to patients about what treatments are available”. The more people involved in the conversation the faster we’ll get to a point where women are in control over what happens to their bodies.
Luckily, Tulsi’s family was a constant support to her and her decisions. Even in her most painful memories, her idea of endurance is embellished with a snappy sense of humour and an undying gratitude for the people who helped her through them.
To say Tulsi’s spirit is infectious is an understatement, but that spirit was not built alone. It is unfortunately likely that readers of this article will at some point encounter somebody suffering from breast cancer. Ultimately, cancer is a very isolating experience and it’s the support systems around patients that can foster an environment for survival.
Tulsi has many more things to say and much more advice to give, especially to families of women with breast cancer. If you or someone you love is currently suffering, please reach out to her support group via chemoportsisters@gmail.com.
All the images in this article belong to Ishaan Nair.
